Thursday, May 30, 2013

One Year-12 Months-52 Weeks-365 Days

Today marks one year, 365 days ago when everything in my life was right. Everything was copacetic. Everything was bliss. I was the happiest pregnant woman ever. At the time I didn't feel ignorant, but now as I look back, I do.

This is the day that the doctor's noticed something not looking so right...but still I didn't feel as scared as I should have been. I even went to work the next day, told a few people I was having a level two u/s, and Will met me at MUSC that afternoon.

Tomorrow marks the day of the most horrible decision we've ever made, it was also the same day as my work party...and again tomorrow is our work party. Until right at this moment, I thought I would go. Now I'm questioning it. I'm not pregnant, and I still have Ativan...numb my way through, sounds kinda awful.

Today at school, during a slideshow of the year's pictures I wasn't aware the latest work baby girl would upset me. Then afterward my boss mentions only two things from the slide show (to update any parents that didn't know) guess what one of those was...the new baby.

So work party everyone bringing their babies? Will the end of every school year be like this, if so that sucks.

I haven't felt such jealously in a while. Well that's probably not true...but I haven't felt it As Severe in a while. I am sensing sadness on it's way, that really sucks. Last week was way rough, I was so sad as we weren't pregnant again.

Why couldn't have Stella just been healthy?
**you need not respond if you think--everything happens for a reason; God only gives you what you can handle; if I only took those vitamins; if we prayed harder...or any of that other crap. I now know shitty things happen to good people.


  1. Love you lots. Just keep going, fighting. You're strong! I love you, my friend.

  2. The next couple of days will be hard, but you *are strong! I love you very much!

  3. Been thinking of your both the last couple of days. Will be praying for strength thru the memories. Love you both, Aunt Lynne

  4. There sure is so much going on right now. I'm so, very sorry. Thinking of you & sending lots of good juju your way. We will never forget Stella!! I know she is watching over you. <3

    P.S. - whoever said you shoulda taken vitamins/prayed harder is wrong bc it wasn't YOUR fault in the least.