Thursday, May 31, 2012

The Worst Day of My Whole Life

We went to the genetic counselor today for the really detailed ultrasound, since yesterday's 20 week u/s had some abnormalities. After the u/s we saw the genetic counselor. Everything she said was just awful, Stella has spina bifida with many complications. The list I have of things wrong with Stella and the problems she would have at birth compounded on each other are very bad. So it looks like we will be saying goodbye to our rainbow baby next week.

I am just so sad. Will is also, but he is really angry too. I'm sure that will come next for me. I keep thinking what am I gonna do with my time? How will I spend my summer? How come I didn't protect my students and now they all will know this information? I will return in August with no belly and no baby. I currently have a belly, what is my response when people ask about it? I can't go to my sewing class, and finish my baby dress and have to explain things....Why did I have to find this out so far along? It's like I jinxed it, I bought my first baby item just 5 days ago. I have gotten so many nice presents this week, what the hell does that thank you note say? What do I do with the presents? How do I tell people? Will they judge me?

My head hurts so bad...I just want to vomit.


  1. We support you with prayers and love...The Arnolds

  2. Oh Amy, I'm so sorry to hear the terribly awful news. Please know we all love you and our thoughts and prayers go out to you. The gifts and students should be the last of your worries. Take this time to heal and know that our hearts our full of love for you and Will. Let me know if you need to talk. Love, Ashley

  3. My heart breaks for you and Will. I cannot fathom what you are going through and I am getting On my knees to pray right now. I will do whatever I can to ease these other burdens- notes, calls, whatever you need- so that you can grieve and console one another. I imagine it is difficult to believe He is good all the time, but He is. May God bless you through this trying time. There are so many people who love and adore you and want the best for you.

  4. Amy,
    You guys are in our prayers!

    Much Love,
    The Grunstra Family

  5. Amy,
    My heart is breaking for you, Will, and precious baby Stella. Praying for you all.

  6. Amy, I am so sorry to hear of your pain and loss. I am praying for you, Will, and baby Stella.
    Alesia Ross