Saturday, December 10, 2011

Next time

What will I do next time? This time I told a very small handful of people, well next I think I might tell the world.

Tonight we had dinner at a friend's house. They invited us over to catch up and to tell us they are pregnant. It was so incredibly hard to sit there and listen to the details of her body changing. I wanted to say, yea...been there done that, it's gone now.

So there's a good example, if I would have told her I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage know she wouldn't have gushed those pregnancy details over dinner with us.

I kept going back and forth, between changing the subject or asking those questions that any girlfriend asks, names, nursery, etc. It was just so weird. I didn't make much eye contact with Will, and at times I thought I might loose it. Especially those times I could relate with , or the reason they hadn't told the news earlier "cause you just never know" ---um, yea.

The whole car ride home I had a huge lump in my throat and tears just ran down my face. I don't like to cry in front of people, and I just wanted to escape and drive away alone once we got home.

I don't think I would have reacted this way if I was currently trying to conceive. However, this stupid ass aunt flow of mine hasn't been around for 54 days and I'm not pregnant. I have started meds for 10 days to start it, I'm on day 3 or 4 now. I just want to escape and go away....oh I am, St. John in 7 days.

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