I was so excited to win box tickets...then I saw who else won tickets. A colleague new mom of a four month old, thankfully a boy. How would I act? In such a close proximity? I was trying to be sweet, as I guzzled my draft big ass beer. Then another baby boy showed up, one i had no connection to. Five months...they were literally dancing both boys in front of me. It was almost awful but ok.
Then I see the mom talking to Will. I figured out she was asking if I would want to hold him. He said yea. Which was fine...I had been drinking and I don't normally hold babies once I am tipsy. So it was a little forced but fine.
I didn't let my mind wander. Didn't think what should have been. Didn't focus on milestones, or anything. Just awe a cute baby. He was precious, and perfect.
Anyway we had a fine time. I didn't feel overly jealous. I did take a break from the box and go visit my friend Shana for a bit. That was nice to be away. Then on my second beer.
My mind was also full of Christopher as I called him, or Deet. My first cousin, on my dad's side, died six years ago today from a car wreck. The last time I saw Chris was February 11, 2006. My wedding day. To me he was always five years old, certainly not old enough to drive. Chris was an avid hockey player...so it fit that I won tickets and on this day. I hope my Florida family is still healing. I think of them almost daily. I probably should call this week. Losing a child in utero was horrible, I can't imagine losing a child outside the womb at 16. I now understand more of the lengthy healing process.